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The Meaning of Care
Care is the first condition for any relationship of power to be legitimate. It is the quality that gives a leader the right to lead. Without care, power becomes control — something that can compel obedience but never win loyalty. With care, authority is accepted willingly because it is exercised for the good of the other.
To care is not to be sentimental or soft. It is not indulgence or the avoidance of discomfort. True care is concern for another’s ultimate well-being. It demands that we act in their best interest even when that action is uncomfortable for both parties. It is far easier to leave people as they are than to challenge them to grow. Real care takes courage.
We understand this when we look at the relationship between parent and child. A parent who indulges the child’s every whim does not love the child; he weakens him. The caring parent insists that the child face what is difficult, precisely because he wants the child to become capable, independent, and strong. Leadership is no different.
The Two Drops of Essence
When people are asked what kind of boss they would work for out of choice rather than obligation, they never describe authority or brilliance. They describe two qualities that always come up, no matter the culture or industry: care and growth.
We trust those who have genuine concern for us as human beings — not merely as human resources — and who help us to realise the very best in ourselves. When leaders demonstrate these two drops of essence, they earn the legitimacy of their power. When they do not, they reduce the relationship to control.
Care is about benevolence — the willingness to give of oneself. Growth is about enabling others to become capable and accountable. Together, they form the foundation of legitimate leadership.
Care Is a Verb
Care is not a feeling; it is a doing word. It is demonstrated through the leader’s time and attention. We show care when we listen, when we take the trouble to understand, when we do what we can to help. Most people do not need their bosses to be charming; they need them to be attentive.
When leaders stop listening, people stop giving. Attention is the purest form of generosity because it suspends self-concern. To listen fully is to say: you matter. In that simple act lies the seed of trust.
We can never fake care. People read intent instinctively. They know whether the boss’s interest is genuine or manipulative. The leader who pretends to care for the sake of a result will ultimately fail, because care cannot be used as a technique. It is not a tool to get performance; it is a disposition of intent.
Care Without Growth Is Indulgence
While care is the first condition of legitimacy, it is not enough on its own. A leader who only protects people without challenging them produces dependence, not strength. Care without growth is indulgence; growth without care is cruelty.
The leader who truly cares cannot avoid being demanding. To care is to hold people to account, to expect more of them than they expect of themselves. It is to believe that they are capable of more and to act in that belief.
To grow others is not to make life easy for them. It is to set standards, to stretch them, to entrust them with responsibility. It is to say, “I believe you can,” even when they doubt themselves. The test of care is not whether people feel comfortable, but whether they become more capable because of your concern.
The Suspension of Self
At its heart, care is the suspension of one’s own agenda in the service of another’s. It is the willingness to put the other’s need before your convenience. This does not mean self-sacrifice in a sentimental sense; it means the disciplined ability to see beyond one’s own preoccupations.
The measure of sincerity in a leader is the degree to which they can suspend their personal agenda for what is right. When a leader sets aside ego — the need to look good, to win, to be obeyed — the people in their charge feel it immediately. They sense that their boss is there for them, not for himself, and their willingness to contribute expands.
A culture of giving begins in the leader’s intent. People do not give to takers. They give to givers.
Control and the Illusion of Power
Many leaders confuse power with control. They believe their authority depends on the ability to command, to compel, to ensure compliance. But control is not power — it is its counterfeit.
Control breeds dependency. The more control you impose, the less control you have. Every time you withhold decision-making, you teach people to wait to be told. You create followers who cannot act without permission.
Power, by contrast, is the ability to elicit authentic willingness — the ability to inspire others to act out of choice rather than compulsion. Power is not about what you can get out of people; it is about what they give you willingly because they trust your intent.
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Empowerment as Care
To care is to make people powerful. Empowerment is not an act of delegation; it is an act of faith. It involves the incremental suspension of control so that others can assume responsibility.
Leaders who truly care will progressively hand over authority, trusting that people will rise to the trust. This does not mean abandoning them; it means providing the means, the guidance, and the feedback required for them to succeed.
When people are empowered, they experience the dignity of ownership. They take accountability because they feel trusted. The leader’s control decreases, but influence increases. That is the paradox of care: the more you give away, the more powerful you become.
The Economy of Giving
The principle of care is also the principle of prosperity. Consider three bakers who spend a month baking a cake. At the end, each takes a slice home. If one slice remains, we call that surplus a profit. But that extra slice exists only because each baker gave more than he took.
All value creation depends on this same principle. Surpluses are produced by people who give more than they get. The health of any enterprise, any family, any community, depends on how many of its members come to give rather than to take.
When people are there to get, to take from the system, they produce scarcity, conflict, and resentment. When they are there to give, they produce abundance, trust, and cohesion. Care transforms culture because it shifts intent from taking to giving.
Care as Discipline
Care demands courage. It is not always gentle. Sometimes care requires confrontation: the difficult conversation, the honest feedback, the holding to standard. The parent who lets the child avoid discomfort does not care; the coach who never corrects error does not care. Care can be stern, even fierce, when the moment demands it.
But this toughness is never malicious. Its motive is benevolent. It is aimed at helping the other become more capable. To act from irritation or ego is not care; to act from concern for another’s strength is.
The discipline of care lies in maintaining this intent even when you are tired or frustrated. It is the ability to see the person beyond the behaviour, to remember that every act of correction is an act of service.
The Fruit of Care
When care becomes the defining quality of leadership, trust follows naturally. People no longer perform out of fear or reward; they act out of choice. They give discretionary effort: that extra measure that cannot be commanded or bought.
Care releases a profound reciprocity. Those who are cared for begin to care in return. Those who are grown begin to grow others. The culture shifts from dependency to stewardship.
This is the true test of leadership: not the results achieved through others, but the quality of people produced through one’s leadership. The leader’s greatest achievement is not a record profit or a flawless strategy, but a team of mature human beings who no longer need him.
The Leader’s Transformation
In the end, care transforms not only those who receive it but also those who give it. The act of serving others gradually erodes the preoccupation with self. The leader discovers that his own fulfilment lies not in control, but in contribution; not in being obeyed, but in enabling others to stand tall.
Leadership thus becomes a spiritual discipline: the daily practice of giving attention, of listening, of confronting, of letting go. It is a way of participating in the growth of others — and in that, finding one’s own growth.
Conclusion: The Gift of Humanity
To care is to affirm the humanity of another. It is to recognise in them the same struggle, the same potential, the same longing to become whole. Care is the bridge between power and love, between authority and compassion.
When care informs our intent, our work ceases to be a means of survival and becomes a means of service. We discover that the act of giving, of genuinely wishing another well, is the most empowering act of all.
Power without care breeds fear. Care without power breeds sentimentality. But care and power together create legitimacy: a condition in which people flourish, trust deepens, and both leader and led are ennobled.
In the final analysis, the only true measure of a leader’s legitimacy is this: the degree to which they are willing to suspend their own agenda for the sake of another’s growth and for what is right. That is care, the essence of leadership, the source of power, and the mark of our shared humanity.
